The end is here mullets!!! Repent!! Get drunk, take viagra, & have unprotected sex!! Eat trans fat!! I don’t care its all over!!

Will Smith, the man who once saved the world, plays Robert Neville, the last man on earth (based on Robert Matheson’s novel). In 2009, a deadly virus wiped out the human race. Apparently, in a desperate attempt to contain the virus, they sealed off New York.

Wait, wait…stop the review, forget the movie. I have to ask: shouldn’t we just do this now? What possible negative could come from sealing off NYC right now? I mean,

1. In 1997, it became a prison anyways.
2. We could eliminate this guy from the gene pool.
C. Just imagine if the New York Giants won the Super Bowl, something like this might happen.

Think about it.

Ok, moving on…what little life that survived has turned into angry mutant monsters that really want to kill Willie. So…

(SPOILER ALERT!), in the end, he does find some other people and its….a scrawny chick and a kid………what?!!?!!? 5 billion people died, but these two made it? You lost me there. I mean, if they had a tough SOB like Danny Glover with them, then, maybe.

This movie was decent, a little suspense, a little action, zombies, dogs, bacon, etc. It reminds me a little of an M. Night Shyamalan movie…but one where something actually happens. Enjoy, but don’t get your hopes up, 3 pigs.

HUMORLESS COMMENTARY:

I’m adding an addition to this review. My loyal readers often ask me, “Shags, do you have anything good to say about said movie?”

So I will add a positive. Although it was overshadowed by surprising, screaming zombies, Will Smith actually does some acting. You get a taste of his character’s desperate attempt to find a cure for the virus. Not to only to save humanity, but also to cure his increasing isolation and loneliness.

Yeah…suck on that one Roger Ebert.

Allow me to express some common and not-so-common opinions of this “made-for-film” novel.

First of all, I wish I would have known before going in that it was a book first, written back in tha day, by Upton Sinclair… this fun-loving guy from the 1900′s, who was raised by a liquor salesman(Anita=jealous!) and enjoyed the lighter side of ethics, socialism, religion and psychic powers. Not to mention pina coladas and long walks on the beach:

Spoiler alert!

[Obvious] (fark.com style) There will be blood? When? When I move to the theater that’s showing “Prom Night”?

[Amusing] A new use for your personal bowling alley = chugging moonshine, passing out drunk in the gutters and eating food off the floor, David Hasslehoff style.

[Interesting] I swear I had something for this category.. uhhhh… nevermind.. scratch that. I spent the entire show waiting for the proverbial “other shoe” to drop.

[Florida] What kind of person just abandons their kid. That’s some cold hearted shit there.

[Dumbass] What kind of wicked codependancy kicks in that the kid comes back to the nutty father after being ditched, left broke, deaf and defenseless?

[Sad] Honest people only exist to get bitch-slapped. Even religious fanatics are bound to fall to the wicked ways of the dollar-dolla bill, y’all. Hmm this seems familiar…

[COOL] The explosions were alright I guess, and I liked how everyone was covered in black goo most of the time.

[Hero] Daniel Day Lewis was truly hateable. And did I mention covered in Goo!

Check it out people if you have 3 hours to spare and you don’t like yourself that much!
2 Pigs

I Want to Believe!! I loved the last X-files movie and I’m currently watching the entire collection of X-files TV shows on DVD (in order of course). Ok, now that it is clear what a major sci-fi nerd you’re dealing with here, I have a few comments about the upcoming flick. Check out the trailer here.

The poster with the big X is just rad, if I wasn’t trying to stop decorating my house a-la 8th grade, I would totally grab one of those.

The plotline and dialogue look to have some more depth than the previous show. I once fell asleep watching the first X-Files the Movie and I think I caught some subconsious suggestions. Found myself walking around with Tourette’s for the next week, frantically shouting, “Mulder?” “Scully?” “Mulder!!” “Scully!!”.

And if you needed any other reason to go see this one – how hot is Gillian Anderson with the long hair!?! Oh mama.

Porkmullet fans, you know where I’ll be July 25, 2008… drinking a couple bottles of wine and trying to beat GTA 4, you say?

Nope. This will be a different kind of Friday night. Fandango, your girl Anita, Gillian A, a diet coke spiked with Captain Morgan’s and a box of JuJuBees. Review to come.

In honor of the recent wedding of one of our dear First Daughters, here is a presidential Who Would You Rather Do?

Jenna Bush

Jenna Jameson

This Bush