Shago’s back with something special! I have been watching movies, but not many qualified for a full review. So, here’s a few that you might catch flipping through the pay-per-view and movie channels. I’ll give you everything you need to know in this segment of Shago’s Quick Flicks:

NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS

If you liked the first installment of National Treasure, you’ll love the sequel. Why? Well…because it’s the exact same movie. The same actors hunt for a treasure. Replace the Declaration of Independence with the Presidential Book of Secrets and off we go! While this movie has good action and is fairly entertaining, it gets negative 3 pigs because it’s a rerun.

HOME OF THE BRAVE

Sam Jackson and Jessica Biel star in a dramatic film about soldiers returning from Iraq. All I can say is the Army must have one hell of a screwed up medical plan. Everyone has such beautiful straight white teeth, but disturbing mental issues. This is an emotional movie about a tough subject. Unfortunately, whenever I see Sam Jackson, I think of this. 1 snake + 1 plane = 2 pigs, it could have been better.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH/GOOD LUCK CHUCK

Remember when Dane Cook was funny? Me too, way before these two movies. 1 pig for the hot chicks.

RATATOUILLE

Amazingly, this move ranks #127 on IMDB.com’s User’s Top 250 movies of all time, beating out such crap as: Ben-Hur, Platoon, Gandhi, Glory, Scarface, and the far superior animated feature Toy Story. I only have one question: Was this movie supposed to be a comedy, drama, action, or zoophilia? Cause it really wasn’t funny, entertaining, exciting, or sexy. 0 pigs.

TALK TO ME

So you ask me, “Shago,if everything sucks, what should I watch?” Well, I’ll give you one. Don Cheadle plays 1960′s radio personality Petey Greene. This movie has a good cast, good story, and some sweet-ass fashion! Enjoy 4 pigs.

So there I was, taking the red-eye flight, back row, kinda drunk, kinda tired, Rocket Man still stuck in my head from the airport bar, and the movie started:

THE BUCKET LIST

Starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, this flick is about two terminally ill old men that create a list of things to do before you “kick the bucket.”

It really gets you thinking…I think I’ll start my list right now.

Shago’s Bucket List:

1. Invent a way to travel back in time and instead of watching this movie, find a large blunt object and bash my head until I’m unconscious.
2. Meet Peter Weller.
3. Get Winona.

Ok, I didn’t like it, but I’ll give you a quick recap. Edward (Jack Nicholson) is a billionaire that has nothing but his money. He meets Carter (Morgan Freeman) and steals him away from his ridiculously perfect family to do the “Bucket List.”

So they travel the world. And everywhere they go, Carter knows something. Seriously, he’s spouting life advice, quoting Tibetan religious prophecies, turning down hookers, and leading Ed to a more enlightened life.

Oh yeah, did I mention he’s supposed to be a mechanic? Now, I hate to stereotype, but when was the last time you stopped in for an oil change and the staff was sitting around drinking tea and reading Nietzsche?

Come to think of it, have you noticed that Morgan Freeman always plays god-like characters?
Like that time that he played God.
And if he’s not playing God, he’s, uhhhhh…playing God.
Or he’s narrating the life of penguins.

So in the end, this is a “comedy” about two old guys that die. Sure there’s a couple great actors, but both portray characters that are intended to be so extremely different that they become completely unbelievable.

I guess it either sucks or Morgan Freeman is God. You decide. It gets one pig for that one funny part.

……..

Uhhhh……just in case. Sorry Almighty Freeman, I loved Million Dollar Baby!

………………..

Wait,

No I just can’t do it. That movie was crap, too. See you in hell mullets!