Hello again mullets and welcome to another addition of Shago’s Random Thoughts (or ShaRTs as I just named them). Today’s movie is Jurassic Park starring Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum, and Laura Dern. As I watched this movie for the third time this month, I began wondering many things, so I decided to write them down. Enjoy:

First off, do I even like this movie? Is it Laura Dern? I mean she’s not really hot and seriously looks like a stick. And I don’t really like movies with kids in them. That one kid was in Tremors and that movie sucked. I guess the effects are pretty sweet. I did watch Land of the Lost as a child, so maybe I really like dinosaurs, weird. I can’t believe they’re remaking that.

That dude getting eaten while on the toilet is sweet; Hope I don’t go out that way.

Sam Neill looks pretty cool in that hat, I wonder if I would look that cool? Probably not, I mean when would I even wear it? He can even pull off that that scarf/bandanna thing around his neck. That’s strange because it makes that kid look pretty queer.

Wouldn’t Jeff Goldblum look better with a big patch of chest hair coming out of that shirt? And doesn’t he play the exact same character in Independence Day? I wonder if anyone remembers an old movie he was in called Transylvania 6-5000? I bet it would really piss off Ed Begley Jr if I bought like 60 copies of that movie, then didn’t recycle the plastic DVD boxes. You know who else plays the same character all the time? Oliver Platt. Flatliners, A Time to Kill, Frost/Nixon, that quirky and smart but kinda wussy guy. He should be in this movie.

If there weren’t so many commercials in college basketball, I wonder if I’d even be watching this?

If I made a joke about that girl saying Meat-A-Saurus, would anyone laugh? I bet they’d just think I was some kind of pedophile. Better not risk it.

Sam Jackson has a cigarette in his mouth the whole movie, but does he ever inhale? I hope I don’t watch this whole movie again just to find out. When they find his arm, his hand should totally have a cigarette in it.

If raptors are so smart, why couldn’t they figure out how to clone themselves? Losers.
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Well, I hoped you enjoyed this quick insight into Shago’s brain. Until next post…